Resenting Lyme

Lyme is a roller coaster ride. If anyone tells you differently they are fooling themselves and you. It is a roller coaster ride of waxing and waning- not just in symptoms but in emotions as well. These yoyoing emotions also are not just for the one suffering from the disease, but for their caregivers too.

Though I know people who have had Lyme or who presently do, I was never right there in their daily life and struggles to experience any of this first hand. It's all especially hard if the individual with the disease also happens to be one that you rely upon- like a service animal.

I'm no stranger to chronic health difficulties- not for myself and not for my service dogs. That said, I have grown accustom to being able to rely upon Thane as a *healthier* service dog- to help me at home from retrieves, to door tugs, and  to nudging doors open or closed, to turning out the light, to helping me undress. I have become even more accustom to him in public though- his guide work impeccable, his boredom games something that has made me grow as a trainer and handler- but above all I never felt so resentful about anything, not even in Met's life. Don't get me wrong I  DO NOT resent Thane, it's the Lyme Borreliosis spirochetes that has my focus of resentment for all its taken from us.

I love Thane with all my heart. It hurts though deep in my soul that I can not snap my fingers and return him to health. Though Thane is doing better and needs his exercise and even outings, he is not the dependable perfection in guiding and decision-making I had come to expect. Now the mini guide has become a *must have* tool for not just street crossings where it has been invaluable, but to the entire trek we make from the time we leave our walkway to the time we enter our apartment on the return. This is sad to me. I feel almost lost in a maze by what the disease has done; has taken from us.

There are things that just impact our work. I want to have the memories in real life again and yet I have to wonder when, if ever, that will happen again.

When Thane is given drugs, Thane is different. I never noticed it when he was given antibiotics before so I did not expect it now. That said, his antibiotics are not the only new thing he is taking- he has been on milk thistle twice a day and had Denosyl added a couple of days ago.

Border Collies or at least my Border Collies have needed to keep to routine. If Met missed more than two or three days of walks or outings, it was as though I was working a green dog until he got settled into routine again. Thane has not been quite as bad as that, but still a week seems to be his top before I feel like I have a green dog at my side again. When you add drugs to the mix and up the ante from a week to nearly a month with a dog recovering from the implications of a severe drug reaction and a history of  weak blood brain barrier symptoms- my gosh!

Thane has always had a specific type of response to chemical drugs like Capstar. It's bizarre, but he is less clear headed and has this absolute necessity to follow the sidewalk or floor path edge. Its not just walking on the edge of the sidewalk or along a wall, but an actual weaving aong the sidewalk edge, trees, obstacles etc. I feel like I am doing weave poles when these reactions hit. When he needs Capstar, it's short lived and followed by two or three doses of milk thistle since weak blood brain barrier symptoms can merely be due to a slower drug clearance. The key here is that it is short lived because it is not needed every single day.

Right now I have no idea what the trigger really is for his reaction which appears magnified at least four times that of how he responds on Capstar. It could be the amoxicillin, it could be the milk thistle, it could be the Denosyl, or it could be non-med or supplement based and be tripett or liver clearance for everything due to his liver involvement that followed the use of Doxycycline, or an unrelated issue altogether that just becomes apparent when drugs or less tolerated supplements are in use, or a symptom of the disease itself  (hard to accept that latter possibility though).

It's understandable that I should be frustrated right now, but resentful- I can't get my head around this. That tick did not know it was sick It did not necessarily do this to us on purpose other than taking a blood meal is how it survives, but it happened nonetheless and I am left to work through what emotions I have from one day to the next.

Yesterday I was full of optimism, today I just want whoever left me with a faulty replica of Thane, to return the original- it's not funny any more!

A Small Opportunity to Work Amidst a Diet Blunder

Today was going to be a special day. Our first errand since Thane's drug reaction. Though it was to be something simple in our town, it was still a big deal to me. It also had the added benefit of being a beautiful day with temps actually approaching closer to normal than they have been lately.

I planned this outing carefully or so I thought. I wanted him to get a nice walk but there were hiccups along the way. Most of the hiccups had to do with idiot utility companies and their vehicles blocking access- some so bad that I know it was against the law. I knew I did not have what I needed today to fight with them about moving though so I simply found us another route rather than letting one of us get hit in the process- good thing don't ya think smile

This walk was not going as smoothly as previous walks have gone. I started running off a checklist in my head to see if anything had been amiss in supplements and diet but nothing seemed off to me. After a time, I just put on the leader so I was not in this constant battle with Thane. He seemed to settle down enough when I did that so I made the decision to carry on with my plan. It worked out, but it was tougher than I anticipated as the store chose this time to re-arrange EVERYTHING!

Thane did fairly well, but he is really doing this *follow the edge* routine like he does after Capstar (without having been given Capstar).It's something I can work with using our *straight* command every few minutes but I best get used to it since he will be on these meds for months to come. I will admit after working so much without him lately, I felt very much like I was in training with him- forgetting to use commands and other important details.

Coming home, he was getting into this *race you to the door, mom* mentality and lets just say it wasn't gonna happen. smile I gave him a chance to change his way and then took the scenic route home instead of the short cut. Boy was he pissed though he settled down and walked nice the rest of the way. Perhaps the message was received- ya think?

We had been home for about a half hour when it dawned on me just why things were not as smooth as I had anticipated today. I had forgot that the Duck Tripett has fish in it. Whoops! I made a huge mistake, but thankfully I was giving him half and half of that and the beef formula so it could have been worse. When I recalled my blunder I decided to call this a pretty decent outing all things considered.

I'm still waiting on the Denosyl for Thane's liver. We are eating through the Milk Thistle supply more quickly due to this fact. I'm wishing that the vet could have just given it to us from her supply instead of this long wait. I guess its not really that long, but with his re-test just two weeks away, I really wanted to have that in his sytem and working for a time before the testing. Maybe it'll come tomorrow.

Thane has licked a lot less today. This is really good. It makes me think that his licking is more about boredom than anything else. His chewing has come down immensely since the antibiotics and increased dose of probiotics. This is really nice to see. After reading more in the book Healing Lyme (as I scan it), I am finding more and more things out in regards to symptoms he ahs had over the last almost two years. So much just makes sense now.

Depending on how Thane is doing tomorrow, we may take a nice walk before it gets too hot. Walks are good places to see how he is doing when I have made diet blunders- plus its just nice to get out when its nice and appreciate his improvements.

Tomorrow is another day and another step closer in our marathon towards better times.