Life has been tumultuous at best since that day back on June 25th when Thane's labs were faxed to me confirming that he indeed had Lyme Disease. I struggled with the diagnosis. With my good friend Sharon at After Gadget blog living with chronic Lyme Disease, I knew all too well how devastating a disease it can be. As a friend from a distance away, I could only imagine how much worse the struggle really was for her. Then Lyme became, not just Sharon's daily struggle, but mine as well.
I was grateful in a sense to finally have a diagnosis for Thane, but at the same time petrified for what may come about. When Thane collapsed pre-meds though is when the nightmare as I have come to call Lyme Disease, really began. You all know the rest of that story- from his collapse, to the meds, to the reaction, to the new drug that is finally helping him.
Over the last few days, I have experienced a *sort of* renewal in Thane. Don't worry, I am not deceiving myself. I know we have a long journey back. That said, I began to realize that this journey for Thane and I post diagnosis isn't that much different than it was pre-diagnosis. I mean sure, its entered a point in which daily treatment is essential. I have also come to think about how he is doing before deciding if we can do something. It is no different to me though than working with my previous service dog Chimette. Well, I take that back because in the early stages of Met's disease, I had very little opportunities to discover real bone fide answers. A lot has changed in the decade between my boys.
There is a change in me too- even a change from two weeks ago to now. I have in a sense taken the bull by the horns and chosen within myself to not let it win in the sense of the emotional and stress filled roller coaster I lived on with Met. Don't get me wrong here. There are the moments when you wonder why this happened AGAIN. Why you have not had the luxury so many have of living and working with a perfectly healthy service dog. Truth be told, I really wonder how healthy all those healthy dogs really are.
Knowledge is power though. I think for me, with my mind that just devours the biological information, understanding the disease has been a source of release for me. Of course its easier if I don't think about it all in terms of Thane, but rather thinking about it in the same way I did my anatomy and physiology, geology, or even chemistry (blah) texts as imparting myself with knowledge.
Between Sharon's awesome support and information, including the recommendation for the book Healing Lyme, I have been able to impart the knowledge I craved, to find a sort of peace within myself, for this new *Adventure* if you will. Its not the kind of adventure I would choose for us on this beautiful sunny summer day, but it certainly has imparted to me a new perspective about the red and white boy I share my life with now.
I am obviously having one of those optimistic mindset days. Though I know times like today can be fleeting moments in the course of this marathon, I felt it good for you to see all the process we take along our journey *home* .
I guess though the point I am trying to make is that I don't have to let Lyme do to me what vaccinosis did. When I think of what Met and I had before things turned upside down, I sometimes wonder what hampered us from having that through vaccinosis and my MCS. The difference was me, my mindset, and my inability to find peace with the disease. For Thane, I want different. I am setting the goal to find and keep peace with this disease. I know it won't be easy, but I also know that for me the knowledge I have gained in understanding how Lyme Borreliosis spirochetes work is one gigantic step towards some level of peace for me.
Thane has shown me very loud and clearly that he needs his job so nothing will stop us from being the team we have been up until now. Its been a team of Thane guiding the way amongst toppled carts, garbage, uneven sidewalk pathways, unimaginable obstacles, and especially the reckless bicyclists or motorists. Afterall, Thane has had this disease for two years and I did not think then about the big *R* word during any of that time. It'd take a lot for me to have the mindset that only a dog in perfect health can do this job. If I were not more sedentary than most, I might have to consider other options, but I don't- isn't that great!
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